what my heart is going threw

Before I tell you how my heart feels now I have to go back about a month ago,you see I was feeling lost because I was with someone that never made my heart skip a beat or jump for joy. But one day I got a message out of the blue and it made me feel something I never felt before, my heart was excited full of joy and a feeling I thought only existed in fairytales.

Later on the person that sent me a message wanted to meet at the gym, I was going threw some difficulties because I still with someone but my gut feeling was to go to the gym and so I went. then I saw the amazing person hat sent me a message I didn't know what to do because I felt something I never felt before. So I started to spend time with this person, and I my heart started  to get more and more excited and I felt like this is something good,something new.

Then the other person I once thought I loved I realized I never loved them because the way I felt with the new person made my heart feel things it never felt before,so the other person I once loved left my life as I did theres. But now you see my heart is torn in two because half of me whats to be with this amazing person but half of me is scared because these feeling are different and new. I cant help think that me and this person would be great but my heart has been broken so many times before,I don't know if I can take another heart break.But I cant help falling for this person is the most scary thing I've ever fallen in love with. 

This is Real, This is Me

Okayyyy its reveal time, It probably wont be super dope but then again if you knew the real me then you'd understand that I dont need comments and a popular blog to be dope. I can be dope by myself and if anyone wants to join me I welcome them with open arms. If you knew the real me you'd know that I didnt have a very fun childhood, I grew up with a drug lord coke dealing father who sold to his own family (what a guy!). I woke up every morning to my cousins, uncles, aunts, and grandparents sniffing and smoking basically any way their bodies would accept it just to get a high. Honestly tho who could blame them, I wouldnt want to remember all of the bullsh*t we suffered through but then again my mind was stronger than that. If you really knew me, you would understand that I do not let my past define me. We all have a story but lets be honest, would you have guessed that this is the way I was raised? I strive everyday to be optimistic, to smile, to encourage and to be someone's friend. Service is one of my love languages and I help in any way that I can. To all the LDS folks out there, I hope you dont have a problem with LGBT because if you knew the real me you'd know that I have a bisexual mother who is married to another woman and has been for 3 years now. If you really knew me you'd know that I have a love for all sports but basketball is my #1 lady. I love the feeling of shifting ankles as i run down the court and dishing it out to a teammate for that oh so sexy assist, watching the ball fly through the air and diving straight in the net while it makes that beautiful beautiful swishing noise. I wish marrying basketball were legal. lol jk but not really. If you knew me you'd know that in being here i miss my family everyday. It kills me not to wake up and see them but i am grateful for the family that I live with now. I've only been here for approximately seven months and ive already gone through some major trials with them and for those of you who know me you know what i mean. Im a joy to be around, a dread head, and genuinely love people. Oh and i love to dance! What up guys, my name is Shaquell Williams and this is me.

How to get a girl's phone #

So sophomore year I got pantsed in the cafeteria in from of the whole school and this is how the story goes...
 I woke up that morning and it was one of those days, you know the days where you didnt wanna get outta bed so you ended up waking up late and didnt have time to find and outfit or forgot to set one out the night before so you just throw on some gym clothes and go to school all flustered, yeah one of those days. Now before I continue on im gonna go ahead and throw out the fact that I wasnt always a ladies man. *Winks with a smile* Now im going throughout my day just the same as always and it came time for lunch, this is back when I would eat in the cafeteria because that southern cooking was BANGIN!! Now normally i'd go through the line, get my food, and go sit with my squad but i couldnt find squad. I came out of the serving area to the register, looked out over the sea of students,and scanned up and down back and forth trying to find my homies. Out of the blue some random dude came running out of the serving area and pulled my shorts to my ankles. Keep in mind they were basketball shorts and i was wearing dri-fit underwear, I gave all my secrets away that day if you know what i mean. I stood there with my food in my hands because best believe i wasnt droppin that as the crowd turned to me and starting roaring "OHHHH, how'd you let him get you man". This went on for the whole lunch period all the way into my next class. I got there late and everyone looked at me and starting snickering and hehe-ing. I went and sat in my desk trying to forget about lunch in all and then... this is when i became a ladies man... 3 random chicks that ive never talked to a day in my life walk up to me at the same time kiss me on my cheek and hand me a piece of torn paper. im thinking its gonna be a roast or something like that but surely enough it was their phone numbers lol!! I walked over to them and was like "why'd you give me your numbers" and they were like "we liked what we saw in there" and my final words to them were "oh you filthy harlots" and thats where this story ends.

Wins & Losses

I am born... Win. I am a healthy baby... Win. I feel love from everyone... Win. My father is a filthy drunk... Loss. Then links all of that pain to "I love you"... Loss. I forgot how to truly love... Loss & Win. At least now I cant be heartbroken... Win. No loss because now im alone or at least I feel like I am. Am I alone??... Confused. I dont know why my life sucks... Loss. My father goes to prison... Win. My mother now struggles raising 5 kids on her own... Loss. My  G-mamma dies... Loss. 2 months following my aunt dies... Loss. 1 month following my uncle dies... Loss. 2 days after that my puppy get flattened by a semi!!                               Loss Loss Loss....

But if you really knew me you'd know that my past doesn't define ME!!